Just Like You ─ Kids Need Spiritual Discipline Too!
“Aw, do I have to?”
How often has your child asked you this question? If you had a nickel for every time you’d probably be rich, right?
As a parent, it amazes me to be consistently asked by my kids “Do I have to?” about daily and weekly responsibilities. My answer is “Yes, you need to.”
And I’m thinking in my mind, “Just like I told you 1,000 other times.”
I never want to shame my children ─ so I attempt to not show frustration. Yet, it does stump me when I need to remind my kids about basics such as brushing teeth, cleaning their rooms, doing specific weekly chores, getting homework done before evening, etc. My prompting them to act is a necessary piece of my mothering. (At least until Leah and Grant are 18 years old, I expect.)
As an adult, I forget that it took me time to learn to be a responsible person.
It will take my kids time. It’s part of growing up. It is a process to learn daily, practical life disciplines such as putting your dirty clothes in the laundry basket.
It’s also a process to learn spiritual disciplines such as praying and reading the Bible. And the earlier we start spiritual disciplines the better.
Learning spiritual disciplines is one thing I see Leah enjoying about Awana in her first year. She really enjoys her T&T handbook. The theme of the book, the fun characters and stories, the puzzles about the verses all keep her interest in learning high.
Leah likes having her leader sign her book when she learns her memory verses. She is feeling progress as she nears the completion of her first handbook. Leah is seeing good results from her commitment and discipline. Awana handbooks: what a great way to sow the seeds of spiritual discipline in young lives.
I’m interested in hearing ─ in what area do you want your child to have spiritual discipline?
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‘Not Sure You Want to Be Here, eh?’
“Hello, world, there’s a song that I’m singing, Come on, get happy.” Remember the theme song of the TV show “The Partridge Family”? If you do, you’re probably near my age. If not, you can figure out my age from this blog entry, that’s for sure.
Growing up as a preteen (tween) myself, I LOVED watching “The Partridge Family” and had a huge crush on David Cassidy. Tiger Beat was my magazine of choice. My record player wore out the song I Think I Love You on the first Partridge Family record.
This past Saturday, I had my tween dream come true. I saw David Cassidy in concert. Never have before. I was going to bring my husband but had major second thoughts. I knew he’d laugh at me the whole time.
Thinking it would be interesting to bring Leah, I asked her to join me a couple of days before the concert. She half-heartedly agreed.
Well, I think it will go down as one of the best mother/daughter relational decisions I’ve made.
Wanting to have a “full-on” fan experience, I bought third-row seats. We were waaaaay up front. Arms reach to the stage.
When you sit in the third row at any concert, you are sure to be with the “groupies.” The night started with the woman behind us saying that, as a teenager, she wrote David every day for three months. He never responded – “breaking her heart.”
It was fun to see Leah’s reaction to all these crazy, middle-aged women screaming as David Cassidy walked on stage.
One highlight of the evening was that we caught a guitar pick he threw out to the audience. Also, David sang a line from his famous song “Cherish” to us. During that moment, Leah was leaning her face on her hand and he directly talked to her, saying, “Not sure you want to be here, eh?” and imitated her by leaning his face on his hand. It was a priceless moment. A lifelong memory to be shared.
During the concert, it was hard to read what Leah was thinking. So, when we walked out of the auditorium and she said, “That was great!” I was so happy! We talked about the songs (many have decent lyrics compared to lyrics today) and the fan reactions. I’m still laughing five days later.
What does this have to do with anything spiritual?
As I look for ways to grow my spiritual connection with Leah, God is teaching me how essential these daily interactions are. Yes, it is important for me to do things with Leah that she likes. But it’s beneficial for her to do things with me that I like, too.
Leah had a small glimpse into my life at 11.
Revealing my personal story makes me more of a real person than just “Mom.” I anticipate this sharing of my life story will continue to make our spiritual interactions much richer.
How can you better share your life story with your tween?
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How I Got My Tween to Talk!
Thanks to blog readers, I am not as stumped as I was last week. 
Ideas began to flow on the Awana Facebook page to my question: How do I get my tween to talk?
A few of the ideas shared:
- Take a ride in the car together.
- Let the Holy Spirit lead me.
- Have an open attitude.
- Ask more specific questions that a young mind can grasp.
- Do a fun kid activity together.
These are all good. I tried two of these and was pleased with the outcome.
Asking more specific questions
I asked Leah, my 11 year old, to sit down and review two of her most recent Awana handbook pages with me. Her immediate reaction was “Why?” So, after I overcame that curve ball ─ and she didn’t run out of the room ─ we talked about the verse that says God made her to be one of a kind.
I used this fact, about how God created her, to dive deeper. I took her to Psalm 139 and read portions of it to her. (Personally, I’ve been letting this verse marinate in my heart for the last two weeks, so it was an amazing “coincidence.”) I then asked her what specific sentence she thought was most interesting in the psalm. And she told me! It was a brief encounter, but I learned from it.
Lesson: I realized I need to set our conversation bar at a realistic level – and to affirm her response, however short it is.
Just go sit in her room
An hour later, I went into her room and just plopped myself down on the bed and said ─ nothing. Unexpectedly, she opened up about something at school. She asked how I get over fear of public speaking.
This was a big breakthrough. We had a great exchange. I was able to share what I’ve learned over time, how it is a process, real steps I take. I added how I pray before I get up in front of people, and I ended by praying for her.
Lesson: Just being in a quiet spot together, with no agenda, is a great conversation starter.
A bigger outcome is that God affirmed, once again, that my spiritual impact on Leah’s life is not only about discussing biblical text. It’s about being a good listener and connecting pieces of daily life together and giving them spiritual value.
Is it more spiritual to talk about a Bible verse or talk about handling fears at school?
I have my thoughts, but I am interested in what you think. Reactions?
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How Do I Get My Tween to Talk?
I am stumped.
And to a degree I’m frustrated.
Let me explain.
As the oldest of three children, I had access to my parents for four years without any siblings. I loved to listen to adult conversation. I enjoyed the company of my parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents. My dad would bring me to the office with him where I’d be the little fly on the wall ─ observing all the activity.
As my family grew and I had siblings, smaller kids would be off playing and I’d be sitting at the table with the adults “listening” to grown-up talk. I remember being intrigued by what adults talked about and what they said or didn’t say with their body language.
This is probably the reason that I went into the communications profession. I tend to be highly alert to relational and communication dynamics. All of my job roles have focused on helping people better communicate with one another.
Then I became a parent … and my communication world changed.
It was one thing to communicate with a 1 or 2 year old.
Today, communicating with a fifth grader is a whole different experience. Trying to draw my daughter into a conversation is like pulling gum out of the carpet. It’s a lot of effort, and you don’t know if you can fully get out what you need.
This past week, I wanted to be “proactive” and initiate a good spiritual conversation. I asked Leah what certain verses in her Awana book meant to her. She basically repeated the verse back to me. Sigh.
Next, I asked a probing question. “Leah, how does your faith impact your life?”
She gave me “the look,” followed by the answer I so often get these days ─ “I don’t know.”
My tween and teenager are mysteries to me. Not very interested in deep conversations ─ so different than I was at that age.
Help. I’m looking for ideas. How do you draw your tween into a conversation?
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Difficult Parenting Moments
One of my most difficult parenting moments is happening right now … as I sit down to write this blog.
I’m at my computer, and my son is doing his after-dinner chores. As we talk, it comes up that he needs me to sign a permission slip. My signature allows him to watch portions of 20 movies for a high school history class. I’m questioning the appropriateness of a couple of the movies and … well, he’s concerned about my concern.
Ah, the raw mother instinct … I want to step in and watch the clips of what he’s going to see in class. How do I react to my son’s comment: “Mom, I’m in high school”?
His teacher’s request? Well, here we go … parenting dilemma number 1437. The reality is that my son is no longer 5. An age when he didn’t know about questionable movies or TV shows because I had direct control over his little world.
Larry Fowler, in Raising a Modern-Day Joseph, opens his book with the question, “What would you say is the most difficult moment in parenting?” Great question. He gives examples of how parents let go in stages; letting go is a process “one finger at a time.”
Larry’s point is so true. Most of my difficult moments in parenting are the times when I have to let go in some way. The “firsts” are always hard:
- first time I left the house alone after they were born (because I was getting cabin fever)
- first teenage baby sitter
- first day of school
- first field trip on a bus
- first sleepover
- first camp
- first cell phone
- first extracurricular activity ─ at a new church.
Leah, being in Awana, is opening up her world and mine ─ fresh opportunities to participate in activities with new leaders and friends. Just this weekend she took a half-day field trip to Awana headquarters without me. I wish I could say that I didn’t think about it twice. That it’s easy releasing her to others. But it isn’t.
As I let go, I realize I have to trust. Primarily, trust God ─ that He is watching over my children. Trust my children that they will make good choices for their age. Trust my own discernment ─ that I release my fingers at a good and healthy pace for my child.
As my children grow, I’m freshly convicted that I need to proactively build into my children spiritually. If I know that my husband and I have trained and coached them to make choices based on biblical values, it makes letting go a little less painful.
How about you? What about letting go of your child is difficult for you?
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What’s the most influential friendship in your child’s life?
When I signed up Leah for Awana, she was approaching unknown territory. New ministry. New church. Different suburb. All new kids. All alone.
When we walked into Awana the first night, there was so much energy and excitement. Yet, it was obvious ─ most kids knew one another. Not really Leah’s personality type to step into a room of unfamiliar faces, but she did. She was willing. I am so proud of her.
A few weeks into the Awana ministry year, another girl from her grade school joined the same Awana club – Emily. Emily’s mom and I are friends. The girls really didn’t know one another prior to this experience very well. The same age, they were both put on the “Red” Truth & Training team.
We carpool each week with Emily. This gives the girls 40 minutes of solid car time.
It is such fun to see their friendship begin to develop.
They laugh to and from the ride to the church each Wednesday. They are “study buddies” during book time at Awana. They say their verses and talk about what they are learning. On the way home, they sing high-energy club songs.
One night driving home, I remember Leah saying to Emily, “You are so good at that.” The moment stopped for me. It is so awesome to hear my 11 year old affirm another girl her age! I don’t hear genuine encouragement from one child to another much these days. (Ah, the preteen and teen years have hit our home.)
As I think about Leah and Emily, I really hope their friendship lasts. Leah has other friends. Girls that play American Girl dolls, listen to iTunes and watch Disney Channel together. These friends are good, too.
Yet, Emily and Leah are learning an important value as they share the Awana experience – the value of spiritual friendship and accountability. Young iron sharpening young iron.
Reflecting on my friendships, the longest-lasting and deepest connections are the ones where our faith is a basis of the friendship.
In an earlier post, I expressed concern about Leah staying interested in Awana. I am certain that Leah’s connection with Emily is strengthening the experience for Leah.
My prayer is that they continue to “walk the walk” and “run the circle” together for years to come.
What spiritual friendship impacts your child’s life?
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What’s Your Child Worth?
How can I, as a parent, even begin to answer what my child is worth? There are many ways to express a child’s value.
For example, my daughter Leah and I have this fun way of expressing our love. She’ll say, “I love you more than all the flowers in the world.” Then, I’ll try to beat that statement. I’ll say, “I love you more than all the pieces of grass in the world.” We go back and forth – trying to see who is cleverer.
But there is an underlying truth in this affectionate banter. We value one another and we are expressing it verbally.
What about expressing value tangibly? As parents who live within a budget and are not wealthy, my husband and I have to prioritize. It’s important for us to decide how we spend money on our children. We deeply value our kids. We want to use our funds wisely, yet in a way that benefits our daughter and son most.
As my children became involved in after-school activities, it is amazing how quickly the financial cost of the activities ballooned. For example, we tried dance lessons. We had to purchase leotards, tights, shoes, costumes. It all added up to at least $150. Throw in a $40 registration fee and monthly $75 fee on top of that.
I am glad to spend money on the development of my children, but it is a sacrifice.
I am willing to make financial sacrifices, but I admit I want to see a return on the investment. My hope is that when my kids join an activity, they make the most of it – either they enjoy it, grow or learn.
When I signed up Leah for Awana, I knew a cost was involved. I stood checkbook in hand at the first night of Awana, not sure what to expect. The coordinator at church filled out the form and handed it to me. The total at the bottom of the sheet said $35. I thought, “Wow, $35 a month. That’s not bad for four nights a month of spiritual activity for my child. Dance would be almost $100 per month.”
When I questioned the coordinator, she said, “Oh, no. It’s $35 a year.”
I couldn’t believe it. What an amazing value: consistent spiritual training and coaching for my child for $35 a year. This low fee to the family is possible due to the kind church who hosts the Awana program and the generous leaders who invest in Leah without pay.
With Awana, I am confident there is a return on this investment ─ a spiritual return. Leah is gaining strength in her faith to last a lifetime ─ the value so exceeds the cost. I’d pay more.
(Shhhh. Don’t tell that to Awana or the church.)
How about you? Have you invested financially in your child’s spiritual development? If so, how? If not, where would you make a spiritual investment?
PS. Leah’s got the latest best value statement: “I love you more than all the snowflakes that ever fell.” Wonderful to feel valued!
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A Pleasant Surprise
In my last blog post, I shared that I haven’t pushed my children into extracurricular activities outside of school or home.
Finally, I caved. I signed up my fifth-grade daughter, Leah, for Awana this past fall. I was a bit apprehensive about how this new experience would go for a few reasons.
First, we are participating in Awana at a church that is not our church home. Not knowing anyone, I hoped Leah would feel comfortable and fit in. Would she try to get to know new people? What if the church’s philosophy is different than my nondenominational Bible church? How would I handle this?
Second, I didn’t know how Leah would respond to two hours of spiritual learning after a full school day. Would she give me a hard time about going every week? Would she be interested and learn anything?
Third, I wondered if the structure of the Awana night would hold her attention.
She really hasn’t had the weekly spiritual structure and accountability that is embedded in the Awana ministry. Would she prefer Game Time? Large Group teaching time? Or Handbook Time? Would working on spiritual content outside of church hold her attention?
Well, Leah’s very first night at Awana revealed a surprise.
As we pulled away from the church, on went the back car light. Leah pulled out her little backpack. I heard rustling of papers. She took out her Awana Start Zone sheet, which features the gospel message. I heard her saying verses from the Bible.
I asked, “Leah, what are you doing?” With an enthusiastic voice she responded, “I’m learning my verses for next week, so I can finish the Start Zone and start my first Truth & Training book.”
My jaw about dropped. I surely didn’t expect her to be so eager to move forward in learning Scripture. The last couple of months have pleasantly shown me her eagerness.
More about this next time.
How about you? What either makes you apprehensive about your child starting Awana? Or, what pleasant surprise did you experience when you did?
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So, Why Awana?
I’m a mom who hasn’t pushed my kids into extracurricular activities.
Over the years, I’ve watched friends live hectic schedules as they race kids from soccer to dance to piano to swimming lessons. All in one week. My women friends look tired and seem marginalized as they chauffeur their children everywhere. They roll their eyes and complain but keep going at it.
So, I stubbornly rebelled and “did the opposite.” I told myself, “I’m not pushing my kids into activities.” I believe there is value in extracurricular programs. But I determined that these programs would not dominate our family’s life.
My plan was to wait until the kids signaled that they wanted to join an activity. When friends would ask, “What’s Grant in? What’s Leah in?” I’d answer, “Nothing.” In these coffee talks, I was embarrassed. Eyebrows raised. It was as though I had a third eye or said I wouldn’t take a bullet for my child.
So, I waited. And waited.
Finally, my son wanted to join soccer and my daughter dance. By this time, their ages were in the double digits. Hallelujah! My husband and I were now in mainstream society ─ parents with kids in after-school activities.
As you can see, it hasn’t been an easy choice ─ deciding where to invest time as a family outside of school and home.
This fall, I made a decision. I signed up Leah for the Awana Truth & Training program (T&T) for third to sixth grade.
Why?
I clearly see the pressure she is under as a preteen girl. Pressure to excel, to look a certain way, to be in stuff, to have several friends, to conform. Leah bumps up against pressures to be cool like Hannah Montana all day long at school. She needs spiritual truth breathed into her to combat all these pressures.
But why Awana?
It’s funny how God uses circumstances in our lives to communicate with us. Two years ago, I joined the Awana headquarters staff. Prior to my role, I heard about Awana. Since my church didn’t have Awana, I didn’t pursue the program.
For two years now, I’ve witnessed how, when parents invest spiritually in their kids’ lives and participate in a program like Awana, there is a dramatic, long-term spiritual benefit. It is clear to me ─ Leah is at a critical age. As a pre-teen, she needs more hands-on spiritual training than 90 minutes of church on Sunday.
That’s why my husband and I signed her up for Awana. This blog is about my journey as a first-time Awana parent.
How about you? What is challenging to you about balancing extracurricular activities and spiritual training for your child?
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